The World is a Playground

So, can we get real for a minute? I want to talk about kids. Like messy, loud, fighting, crazy kids. I have a few of those. Now, I love them like crazy, seriously I do. But they can drive me insane. So all in all, I think they are completely normal for the most part.

Last evening I had to run to Park City for soccer so we stopped at the outlets to look for some back to school deals. Besides in the inordinate amount of whining for things, they were their normal crazy selves. For some reason they see racks of clothes and think, “hey, I see a playground. Let’s run around and play tag and hide-and-seek and hide in the middle of the clothes!” And that is exactly what they do. Every. Single. Time. And every time I tell them, “this is not a playground! It is a store!” They don’t care. I’m not sure how clothing racks and cashiers can be mistaken for slides and swings, but hey, at least they are having fun with each other and not fighting. I guess there’s the silver lining – they are being creative, getting along in those moments, and they are with me.

Now, I am about at my limit here. They are asking for everything they see in between wrestling on the ground and playing tag around all the displays. And then the irony hits me that I was desperate to get them back when they were with their dad just the day before. And even though they are absolutely…normal kids…I would much rather have them with me fighting, running around, whining or whatever than have them gone. And we do have a lot of good times. I love discussing ideas with them or explaining how something works or playing games with them.

I have noticed that my kids are acting a little…worse lately. I can think of a few reasons for this. The obvious – their dad moved out and isn’t a constant presence in their lives anymore. They don’t sleep well now and they seem a little more on edge. The next is probably our fault, mine and their dad’s. Because we know they are going through this incredibly hard thing we have been a bit more lenient. I’ve let them watch tv a little more. I’ve gotten them little toys occasionally just because. I’ve let them get away with more than normal. Their dad has taken them swimming and to parks and for ice cream more than ever. They might be becoming a little unruly because they are…unruled more.

So, I need to step things up. I know that to raise successful, happy kids they need discipline. But I know they need compassion too. Where is the middle ground? I don’t know yet. I need to figure that out. Maybe there is no middle ground. Maybe I just need to act like normal, like life is going along like always. I feel like there are so many ways to do this parenting thing wrong – maybe the consequence of being married to a psychologist for so long.

I remember when my kids were little I was visiting with another mother my age. She was really anxious about whether she was parenting well, down to the food she was feeding her kids. I felt strongly at that time to say that all you need to do is love them and try your best. Back then my oldest was 5. Now he is 13. Do I still feel the same? I am completely confident that my kids know that I love them more than anything. They are secure, which is maybe why they are acting out more.

Now don’t get me wrong, I have amazing kids. They are funny, talented, smart, caring (for the most part…). But kids have a way of testing your limits, or making you feel like you are not doing your best. Or maybe that is just us projecting our insecurities and fears and frustrations. Either way, being a parent is hard – wonderful, but hard.

Tell me, what advice do you have to help kids through hard times without spoiling them until they are entitled and more unruly? I would love your ideas.