On May 27, 2019 my life forever changed. It was unexpected and devastating. My husband informed me that he was leaving and filing for divorce. As far as I knew we were on track, moving forward, enjoying our relationship. Apparently he felt differently. So that afternoon, he packed as much as he could take, told the kids he didn’t want to be married to me anymore and drove away while we all cried. It was seriously one of the worst days of my life, and that is saying something. Our marriage was never perfect, we had our struggles. We argued sometimes, he had his struggles and I had mine. But we had a good thing here….or so I thought. Instead it felt like my life was now falling apart.
After that first day I kept the kids and myself as busy as I could. We did puzzles, played games, visited family, cleaned and did the kids usual activities. We actually had a great time despite what was going on. But it was always there, hovering over us as we attempted to carry on normal life. And it still does. We feel it. We hate it. We ignore it. We talk about it. But we are slowly adjusting.
This has been an absolutely horrible experience. But it has been amazing too. I have been spiritually supported and loved. I have felt hope and faith in a great future to come. I have tried to convey that to my kids. I hope they understand that although things are hard now, we will all be okay. I remind them to pray to understand this and to know they are loved and to be comforted.
I have a habit that I am afraid occasionally makes me seem…cold, maybe. I quickly switch in my mind to finding the bright side of a situation, the silver lining, if you will. For example, “you got in a car crash? That’s terrible! But now you get a new car (said smiling).” I am trying to spend more time focusing on the sympathy part before moving to the silver lining part. But I tell you, it helps a lot in this situation. I hate this and I don’t want it to happen. But I can also see some unexpected upsides. For example, I have always wanted to start a photography business but have been dragging my feet. Well now is my chance! I need to earn some income so I am now following after my dream. Fingers crossed! I always wanted a website or blog of my own, and here I am now! I have time and more freedom to express myself. And while I absolutely hate that I have to share my kids, it will provide me more time to pursue those dreams…and hopefully a handsome man someday!
So, as I thought about finally starting my own blog I realized that what I wanted to share through my experiences is that though life is hard (SO hard!) it is also wonderful. That amid the rainstorms of our lives the sun is always shining somewhere. Sometimes we can find it easily as it peeks through the clouds of our struggles. Sometimes we have to look a little harder or chase after it. But it is always there. And there is always the promise of a sunny day after the rain. So, amid my journey of reinventing my life as a single mom I am committing to finding and focusing on the beautiful, the fun, the sweet, the happy, the spiritual. I know we can’t ignore the hard moments but we can work to not dwell on them (easier said than done, I know!)
I hope you will join me on my journey down a new path in life. I hope you will share your experiences and your wisdom along the way too. In everything I have experienced over the years I have also learned that sharing with others and both helping and receiving help from others makes a world of difference. So, here’s to a new beginning with I hope a bunch of new friends!
So new friends, I have a question. What tips and tricks do you have for turning away from the negative and finding the good in life?
Sunshine and Rainstorms 
I have always looked at the brighter side, what does not kill us does make us stronger. With the power of positivity we can overcome whatever obstacles we encounter.
You have a strong support system and I am glad to be a part of it.
Love you beautiful niece
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I agree – I think having a positive attitude gives you a head start in dealing with things. Thanks!
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I feel that we are given hard circumstances in life they are a blessing in disguise no matter how hard the circumstances are. It is God guiding us on our path we set up with him. So as the saying goes, when one door. Loses another one opens.
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Erica, it’s interesting because our trials are all different, each with their own challenges, but I know pain and can relate to things being hard. Being able to find the good or blessings while going through hard times is the only way we can move forward. I believe we go through trials to get us back to our Heavenly Father, to learn to rely on the Savior, and to see more clearly how to truly find joy.
When I think that no one understands what I’m going through, that’s when I remember that Jesus Christ does. That’s what the atonement is all about. In the Garden, He suffered for all my pains, my heartaches, as well as my sins. He knows what it feels like for me, having cancer, specifically me! He knows what it feels like for my son, having a mom going through cancer. He knows what divorce feels like for you and your kids, each of them. You all have your own feelings of what it’s like and He has felt that.
I have always tried to be positive because I really can’t think of the alternative. That doesn’t mean that I don’t cry out to Heavenly Father and tell Him how hard it is. Some days are harder than others and those hard days, all we can do is survive. So we try again the next day. I hope this helps you. Love you Erica!
Coby
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Seriously the best source of help we can get – our Savior and Heavenly Father. I have been amazed to see how willing They are to bless in hard times. Thanks!
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Great post Erica! I think you are amazing! And the way you are handling this with your children is wonderful! One thing I do when I’m trying to find positive in a negative situation is write the tender mercies I see down. I like to keep a gratitude journal and adding the tender mercies makes it so much easier to focus on the positive instead of the negative.
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Yes! That totally will change you focus around. It is hard to wallow in negativity and pity when you see how much you have been blessed. Thanks!
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I love your writing!
I think it’s so helpful when we can see things from an eternal perspective and see this life as a tiny piece of eternity. Also I’ve learned how important it is to make time to do those things that are good for me and avoid those that make me feel unmotivated, tired, or unhappy. It’s not always easy but it’s so important not to beat ourselves up, but instead just move on and try again the next day. We have to love ourselves.
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I love everything you said – thank you!
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Surround yourself with positive people! When I have gone through serious struggles I had to take a break from social media. Facebook and Instagram can be great but for me I saw that everyone was happy and perfect and I wasn’t. I find it easier to find my own happiness when I’m not comparing it to others.
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That is so true – it is so easy to think that everyone’s lives are going better than yours. Thanks!
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I have to get outside and exercise, hike, bike, walk etc. For some reason when I am struggling with something I feel trapped, like I can’t escape when I have 4 walls around me, but when I’m outside I feel like I’m freed somehow and I handle things much better. I also feel inspired outdoors and learn a lot from nature itself. Also, when you get your mind off the struggle and move forward with a new idea or plan it helps immensely and gives you something else important to think about and that seems to be just what you are doing.😊
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