Milestone

I’m not sure if milestone is the right word. Anniversary? No. I don’t know. Six months ago today my husband walked out my door. Six months ago he told me he didn’t want to do it anymore. Six month ago was the worst day of my life followed by many other really bad days. Six months ago my life completely turned upside down and fell apart. Six months ago today I sat on the couch with my kids and cried and reassured them that we were going to be okay even though it didn’t feel like we would be.

Six month ago today began a huge journey. I didn’t have a clue then how much I would grow in the months to come. Honestly, I wasn’t always willing to get through this. There were times that I sat thinking (or even saying sometimes…) that I didn’t want to do this. I didn’t want to deal with it. But as it happens, I didn’t really have a choice. My life had changed and I had to process it and move forward.

But I learned something, something that wasn’t new. Heavenly Father doesn’t let you go through hard things alone. And He has been here for me and my kids through the whole process. We have had so many miracles. He has comforted us when we needed it. My kids have shared stories of feeling peace and love at different times when they were struggling. I have felt so much love from Heavenly Father, my family, friends and neighbors.

As I posted last time, I am doing well. My life is good, even if it isn’t what I pictured and even if it isn’t perfect. I read a part of an interview by Dieter F. Uchtdorf, an apostle for our Church, in which someone asked how we get through hard experiences in our lives. He said one word – gratitude. At first I thought there had to be more than that as an answer. But then I thought about it. And I do feel so much happier when I focus on all the things that are good and right in my life. When I focus on what I don’t have or what I have lost I can get sucked into a black hole.

So, today is a bit of a big day. Six months is a milestone of sorts. I was worried that I might get sucked in on a day like this. But, I had a good day. My kids were out of school and I got to spend the whole day with them! We played games, we hung out, we talked, we cleaned. And we decorated for Christmas. I don’t normally do it before Thanksgiving but they are with their dad this weekend and next weekend. So we put Christmas music on and decorated! And we had a great time. I am so grateful that my kids are mine. They are pretty great. I am grateful that I have a home to decorate. I am grateful for Christmas miracles.

The coming weeks have a lot of potential to bring me down. I don’t have my kids for Thanksgiving. I will be doing all the Christmas traditions we do without my ex-husband. I have to share my kids on Christmas. So I think I will make sure to take Elder Uchtdorf’s advice and focus on gratitude and all I have. I love Christmas! And I am going to enjoy it with my kids. I’m guessing there will be times that this will take effort. But here we go, starting tomorrow when I’m not with my kids for another holiday.

Six months ago I lost my husband. Today I set up Christmas on my own. I actually had never set up a Christmas tree before – that was always his job. But I did it! I am learning how to do so many things and getting stronger both emotionally and physically as I do. That in and of itself can be considered a blessing. I guess the reason I consider this six months a milestone is because I feel like I have come through this horrible experience stronger. I can look back today, six months after he left and mark that I am content.