Can you guys humor me tonight? As I told you late last night (so late my post says it was done today!), last week was hard. And through the last couple months I have cried a lot of tears of grief and pain. But today as I sat down at church, I found myself fighting back tears for a different reason – I had so much gratitude for feeling so happy and full. I guess I’m still on a bit of a roller coaster but I am looking forward to stabilizing more on this side of the emotion scale. Anyway, as I have gone about my day I have found so many things in my life that make me happy.
This afternoon I was here by myself so I put on a talk by Brene Brown. If you don’t know who she is, look her up. She has great insights. At one point she said that in her research, the people who handled trauma the best were those who had one trait in common – gratitude. So I thought I would post and focus on what I am grateful for today.
This morning I woke up heard from people who love me. My mom called to say hi and check in. My kids, who were with their dad, called me on Facetime and they were so sweet and happy to talk to me and even fought over who’s turn it was. Their dad brought them back to me because they go to church with me every week and I was so happy to see them. I was thinking tonight about how I have spent a lot of time frustrated with my kids over their fighting and whining and such. But since I don’t have them full time anymore I am happy to have them here, fighting, whining and all! It still frustrates me but I am grateful that they are with me.
So many things at church made me happy. While I was walking in I looked around at all the people in the congregation. I was filled so fully with love and gratitude for the people that surround me. And even a friend I hadn’t seen in awhile was there visiting! I saw my fabulous neighbor who mows my lawn every week as I work to adjust to single life. He even pruned my greatly overgrown tree in the front yard. There are so many good people out there!
As we were sitting down on a bench in the chapel, my oldest son asked if he could sit next to me because he hadn’t “seen me in forever!” I thought it was so funny because it had been about 36 hours and those were filled with approximately 500 Facetime calls. But I am so happy that he was excited to see me. Every week at church, even though we usually have a ton of space, my kids sit as close to me as they can without literally being on my lap. I’m not going to lie, sometimes it is a little claustrophobic, but it is totally sweet.
Because my ex-husband’s church is later than mine, I got to have my kids for a couple of hours after church. My son was desperate to watch a documentary. I love that my kids love documentaries because I do too! And I am so grateful that we have such easy access to really interesting opportunities for learning. I love learning about ancient history and so does my son. It is so much fun watching shows together and then talking about them.
This evening a neighbor came by with flowers, ice cream (Butterfinger – one of my favorites!) and a note that said I was loved. She said someone dropped them off with her and asked her to give them to me but that they wanted to stay anonymous. This is the second time I have had an anonymous gift dropped off – someone left some Bath and Body Works stuff for me with a note saying I was cared about. Knowing someone cares can’t help but cheer you up, whether a gesture is as big as a gift or as small as a smile. (If someone reading this is one of the people who left something for me, thank you so much!) I received so many hugs today from people who cared and I am so grateful for that.
Tonight we are having a thunderstorm. I absolutely love thunderstorms. This weather makes me so giddy and happy. I am so lucky to live where I do. Utah is such a fabulous place. There is so much beauty here. This year we have had a lot more precipitation than normal and the mountain close by is so beautiful this summer.
So, as I sit here, satisfied after eating a delicious bowl of ice cream, I just wanted to express my gratitude for all the amazing blessings I have in my life. My kids, my God, my home, my state, my family, my friends and so much more. When things are hard it is easy to focus on negative feelings – there were some days I was tempted to stay in my bed all day and pretend that there wasn’t a world outside. But if we choose to focus on the good things that we are surrounded by, we can find happiness even in our hardest times.
Sunshine and Rainstorms 