I was married for 14 years to a psychologist and I was able to learn a lot in those years about mental health and how to cope and learn from hard things. But now I am learning on the other side – I am going to therapy. When Mike left, my Bishop (my ecclesiastic leader) suggested I go. At first I wasn’t too sure about it because I felt like I knew exactly what she would say. And there has been some of that. But it has been nice receiving validation, support and help processing what I am going through. One thing the therapist said that stuck with me is that it isn’t healthy to avoid what is going on, but it is good to distract myself from it. So we talked about that a bit and I have been studying the concepts more to make sure I am working through everything in a healthy way. It has been fascinating to learn more and see these patterns in people I know.
When we have something difficult to do or work through it is hard to stay focused on it. It is unpleasant and sometimes painful and staying immersed in those feelings can get overwhelming. So what do we do about that? On one hand, there is avoidance. This is not a healthy coping strategy. Instead of acknowledging what is happening we dull ourselves to not feel it. This could look like refusing to think about what is happening, turning feelings off and going about our activities, not ever talking about what you are experiencing or even substance use like alcohol. The problem with these methods of coping is that the issues never actually go away. They are still there brewing below the surface. Instead of dealing with them they will manifest in other ways like resentment, addiction, anxiety or other similar reactions.
Distraction, on the other hand, is not ignoring what we are feeling and experiencing but distancing ourselves from it for a bit of time so that we can cope. Spending time working through, talking about, and thinking through hard situations is exhausting emotionally and mentally but necessary. Taking a break can refresh us to resume work on our difficult task. As long as we acknowledge that something is happening, taking a break is healthy. These breaks can take many forms – reading, watching a show, spending time with a friend, going on a walk, meditating, exercising, playing a game or even taking care of everyday activities. This will leave us ready to resume our process and also move through normal daily life more successfully.
My go-to distraction in the past has been reading. Lately I find that I need more than one distraction because I need more breaks than normal right now. I love to take pictures of people and beautiful scenery (the picture above was from a much needed distraction.) I play games with my kids, go for walks with my dog, drive in the mountains and spend lots of time with family. I also watch a show sometimes when I am alone in the evenings to distract from the loneliness of adjusting to divorce. So tell me, what are your favorite ways to distract yourself when you need a break from dealing with something hard?
Sunshine and Rainstorms 